Addressing the Elephant in the Room
by stardustintheair
Summary: (Everyone is around 23.) Stan is too late to win over Kyle's heart. Similarly, Kenny is too late to late to tell Cartman he loves him. Now, with their graduating class's reunion coming up, Stan and Kenny will have to address the elephant in the room if they want to rebuild their friendship, and possibly getting their loves to love them back. Yaoi slash, hinted femslash. Stenny.
1. One

**Title:** For the Perfect Romance, Address the Elephant in the Room

(You know, like, "For The Advertised Over-The-Phone Service, Press One"? No? OK.)

 **Rating:** M for a lot of uncensored swearing, Kenny being a drunk like his dad, and maybe some suggested sexual scenes- suggested, not detailed, this isn't 50 Shades of Grey

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing. At all. The plot yes, but characters, setting… All belong to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Life's tough.

 **Ships:** Eventually Stenny, one-sided Style, one-sided Kenman, Kyman... Random others, such as (Butters x Annie Knitts), Bendy, Creek, and (Token x Red)

(Please note that although the original intent of this story was to be a Style / Kenman fanfic, this Stenny business is so interesting that that's probably how it's going to turn out. Plot permitting.)

 **Summary:** ~EVERYONE IS LIKE 23, OKAY~ Stan is too late again. First it was Kenny's death (as Kenny and Cartman say), then it was the musical phase back in elementary... Now it's Kyle. And this time, there isn't a possibility that Cartman will let Kyle go. Stan isn't the only one that's too late, however. Now it's the gang's five-year reunion of graduating high school. In order to hopefully rebuild their friendship (to get their loves to hopefully love them back), Kenny and Stan will have to address the looming elephant in the room preventing them from getting close. And that won't be easy.

* * *

 _One - Stan_

It wasn't uncommon for Stan to muddle through work, only thinking about Skyping Kyle that evening. There was only an hour difference as far as time zones were concerned, which made it really easy for them to plan: at eight Stan would Skype Kyle, and at seven Kyle would pick up.

"Hey, Kyle," Stan smiled wistfully as he waved to the redhead before him on his computer screen.

"What's up, Stan? How many people complained about wrong orders today?" Kyle teased him playfully. True, Stan was a prep chef at a somewhat cheap restaurant in San Diego (a glorious feat on his part, only being 22 and freshly graduated from college when he got the job). Of course, he'd never say he was a prep chef; he's simply a chef.

"Just two. One bitch said her order wrong, and the other guy wanted his steak well-done. I swear, man. People in San Diego are stupid." Stan pinched the bridge of his nose at the memories.

"Not as stupid as the people in South Park. Kenny's brother Kevin ran around town naked, screaming to fight his dad or whatever." Stan and Kyle laughed at that.

Cartman entered the room on Stan's screen and kissed Kyle, unintentionally making Stan's heart ache. (Of course Cartman had to come home from his fancy CEO job at Cartman's Chicken and make Stan look really poor.) "Hey, babe, how was your day?" He asked Kyle sweetly (sweeter than Stan remembers Cartman, anyway).

"It went well. Just hung out at home today, since I had no classes to go to or homework to do." Stan remembered how Kyle had mentioned going to college to be a lawyer like his father.

"Sounds boring." Cartman replied truthfully.

"Yeah. Anyway, say hi to Stan." Kyle motioned toward the monitor, making Stan slightly blush.

"Hello, Stan. How's the low-paying job of cutting up food working out for you?" Cartman asked innocently, his words telling another story. Stan only rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Eric!" Stan was not used to Kyle, or anyone, calling Cartman by his first name. "That's rude!" Kyle glared at Cartman.

Eric sighed and said. "My apologies, Stan. How was your day?"

"It was fine," Stan said simply. Nothing worth telling Cartman happened, anyway.

Cartman left after saying goodnight to Stan and telling Kyle to make him dinner when he was done talking to Stan. Cartman has been nice ever since he started dating Kyle; he must really not want to lose him.

"Anyway," Kyle was pretty flustered at this point, "I've been meaning to ask you this, but I've forgotten until today. Are you going to the reunion?"

Reunion? Stan wasn't invited to any reunion...

Stan didn't have to say anything. "Check your Facebook."

"Dude, no one's used Facebook since sixth grade. By then it was all about Snapchat." Stan guffawed at Kyle's words.

"Check it. Our class is having the five-year reunion! And Wendy is coordinating it!"

"Fine." Stan logged onto Facebook, barely remembering his password and email. He saw that no one had posted anything in about ten years and felt ridiculous opening it up. However, he had a message from his ex-girlfriend. Sent about three weeks ago. He opened it.

 **Hey, Stan! I didn't know your current number, email, or address, so I'm contacting you on here. But in about three weeks, on June 1st, our graduating class is having a reunion to see how everyone is doing! It'll be held at South Park High, of course, at 5 pm. There will be food and drink provided, and Lorde will be doing a final encore performance! I hope you can come!**

 **-Wendy Testaburger**

"Aw, man!" Stan whined. "That's in two days. I got this really late." He quickly replied to Wendy.

 **Of course I can come! See you on the first!**

"Kyle, I got to buy a plane ticket. See you on the first!" Stan said, hearing Kyle say good-bye as he logged off his computer.

Stan was fortunate enough to find a cheap flight to Denver, planning on getting it right after he called his parents to have them pick him up at the airport.

His roommate wouldn't need money, would he? No, no... Still. Why was Bridon Gueermo, star point guard for the Lakers, rooming with him? Stan reflected back to about fourth grade, when he encouraged Bridon to follow his dreams. Was it a thank you? Did he need someone to babysit his apartment while he goes away for weeks at a time? Did he pity Stan?Still, Bridon had asked him to room with him. Whatever his intentions were...

Stan shrugged it off and phoned his parents. His mother picked up almost right away. "Hello?"

"Hey, mom, it's me, Stan."

"Oh, Stanley, honey, how are you doing?" His mother would have bulldozed him if she was here right now. "How is your cook job going? Haven't gotten fired yet? Oh! How's that Bridon kid doing?"

"I'm fine, mom, I'm still working, and Bridon is doing fine. Mom I'm coming home on the first-"

"So you're finally visiting us when it's not a holiday?"

"Well my class is having a reunion..."

"Oh! Your father's playing. That's right. You need to stay with us, Stanley. We miss you. Your father became a drunk again, you know-"

"-I know, mom."

"You need to visit us more. Sheila, Carol, and Liane are always talking about how they get to see their boys all grow up, and I never get to see you."

"I'm sorry, mom. I'll come home tomorrow." He was guilt-tripped into coming home a day earlier and he knew it.

"Oh, I'm so happy, honey!" His mother nearly cried.

Stan booked the earliest available flight and told his mother the details. He'd have to pack his stuff for two nights, which he did hastily. He wrote out a note to Bridon in case he came back, explaining that he went back to South Park for the weekend. He set it out on the counter, set his bags next to the door, and went to sleep.

* * *

 **A/N: Next chapter (probably to be done and posted next week some time) will be about Kenny. I can't wait. -stardustintheair**


	2. Two

**A/N: Okay so the title was originally going to be "For the Perfect Romance, Address the Elephant in the Room" but I changed it to "Addressing the Elephant in the Room" because it's shorter. And I don't know how to . At all. I'm a noob. I'm sorry. I'm just amazed I got this chapter posted! I'm such a noob I got excited over finding the chapter-update part… Yeah... And the horizontal line option is gone. Cool, cool. Guess I have to use a dash - until I find it, or whatever. Anyway, this chapter is from Kenny's perspective, and his life is not-so glamorous. There is apparently some Clenny (you know, Clyde x Kenny?), but it's more of an "acquaintances with benefits" type thing. Yeah. Totally crack.**

Two- Kenny

It wasn't uncommon for Kenny to wake up with a pounding hangover. It also wasn't unusual for him to arrive at work at 9 am straight from Clyde's house. Kenny would go to the men's bathhouse to begin his shift as the ticket salesman, and Clyde would go straight to his shoe store. That's how it went every other day.

Kenny barely spent any time with his mother, sister, and brother (their parents had split four years ago, and Stuart left) anymore. He'd help them pay the bills as best he could, but he only made $20,000 a year like his mother and brother. $60,000 a year was better than the McCormicks had ever done, though, he had to admit.

That's why Karen was fortunate enough to have been able to go to community college. She'll make a whopping $30,000 a year all by herself teaching 4th grade in a few years, more than anyone else in the McCormick house had ever been able to make. And Kenny was proud of his little sister.

Now the best part of Kenny's day came about noon, when Mark Cotswolds would come to the bathhouse tentatively, fearing that someone would find out he was there on his lunch break. Five minutes later, Pete would come around. Kenny would spend the rest of the hour fantasizing about the different positions Mark and Pete use. When that got boring, he mentally added in Henrietta Biggle or himself. Sometimes both, like today.

God, Kenny was fucked up.

The rest of the day proves uneventful, and Kenny had nothing to look forward to. No Clyde (they "saw" each other yesterday), no girlfriend, no boyfriend, no regular friends that didn't make him feel jealous or depressed... Maybe if he had just one beer he'll feel better...

All alone, he manages to say to himself, rubbing his face with his hands, "God, I need a beer. And a nice fuck too."

No one would be surprised if they found out that Kenny and Clyde have sex regularly with no strings attached. Kenny had been given the label of "Slutty Man-Whore" back in ninth grade, after everyone found out Kenny had asked Heidi to have sex with him and a month later he had kissed Butters. And Red. And Clyde. And Bebe. And possibly Craig. What they didn't know, though, that Kenny did, was that it was all for show, so that Eric could never find out that Kenny was in love with him.

So far, Kenny's done a good job. A tragically good job, since now Eric is in love with Kyle. When did that happen? Kenny didn't know, but couldn't say he didn't care. God, how did Kenny fall in love with Eric? He was cocky, racist, intelligent, caring when he wants to be, funny, cute when he's flabberghasted… Damn, if Eric heard that, Kenny would get called a fairy.

Shrugging off that whole train of thought, Kenny ended his shift at five and walked home. Only Karen was home. "Welcome home, Kenny," she said, still tapping away at her computer. Probably writing an essay.

"Hey, Karen." Kenny went to the kitchen and made himself a ham and cheese sandwich.

"How was work today?" She asked Kenny nicely. Karen was always so nice to him.

"It was fine, nothing bad happened," Kenny replied. "What about you? How was school?"

"My stupid teacher is making me do a thousand word essay explaining how a good teacher acts or something. Everyone in my class is mad."

"Sorry, Karen." Kenny reentered the room with his sandwich and sat by his younger sister. "But you gotta do as the teacher says. That's how I managed to graduate with a three-point-oh."

"And I graduated with a three-point-six," Karen made a teasing face at Kenny.

"Shut up."

Their mother came home an hour later from work at Bennigan's. She produced a bag of fast food in her hands, no doubt food from her workplace.

"Welcome home, Mom!" Karen greeted her mother warmly.

"Hey, Mom," Kenny greeted his mother kindly.

"Hey kids." She pulled out her bags. "I brought home steaks from dinner. When you're hungry, feel free to cook one up." With that, Carol took a steak and left for the kitchen.

"Thanks, Mom!" Kenny and Karen said in unison. Karen prepared her steak shortly after that, while Kenny microwaved his at eight.

Kenny then did what he usually did; watch meaningless television while he drank beer after beer after beer. Drinking himself into a stupor the best way to forget everything; life is meaningless, and death is finite. He loves Eric so much is hurt, but he is never letting Kyle go. Kenny has to go to a reunion with his graduating class in two days, and he is in no way ready to face everyone. They're going to ask if he's still a man-whore, if not assume. But he is. He's having sex with a man that he isn't in a relationship with. Does he tell them that? Will Clyde? God, if Clyde tells them…

Kenny really is a man-whore. An easy, worthless man-whore.

He barely heard Kevin stumble in at eleven. By then, Kenny was too wasted to know either way. He hobbled over to his drawer to find a half-empty bag of barbecue chips and sat back down. He only ate a couple handfuls before he started sobbing.

Even as a drunken mess, he couldn't forget Eric. Especially since he's watching a commercial for Cartman's Chicken.

Kenny McCormick fell asleep that night, crying, with his hand in a bag of barbecue chips. His life was very fulfilling- working a minimum-wage job, drinking, crying, and sleeping. Damn, Kenny was a mess and he knew it.

 **A/N: Please note that whenever Kenny is referred to as a "man-whore", it's either to reference that specific label given to him in ninth grade or Kenny being hard on himself for how he's coping with Cartman's relationship with Kyle. Poor guy… Also. Thank you guys so much for reading my story! It would mean the world to me if you told me what you liked, disliked, how OOC a character is… Anything, to help me improve my writing and this fanfic. Thanks again! -stardustintheair**


	3. Three

**A/N: Thank you so much for reviewing, IamTrash! I really appreciate it! Also, sorry for the late-ish update. I try to update once a week. However, there may be some… Problems… Going on with me and updating may-or-may-not be late or stalled. I apologize if I am unable to update like I'm supposed to.**

 **In other news, I have figured out how to get the horizontal line. Also, I googled the flight time between San Diego and Denver, and since I was logged into my account, Google assumed "based on my search results" that I live in San Diego. Just thought I'd share that... Never mind.**

 **On a completely random note, please keep in mind that Stan and Kyle haven't really seen each other in 5 years. Sure, Stan comes over for Christmas and all, but one week (how much you can expect to get off work) is not enough time to get to catch up. At all. Even if they do Skype everyday, they only talk about their days, not other people, and their calls last about five minutes. And, concerning Cartman and Kenny, they don't talk due to Cartman's busy as a CEO and Kenny is, uh, drunk/hungover about 80% of the time.**

 **This chapter is in Stan's POV, and he's going back to South Park... How fun!**

* * *

Three- Stan

Stan had to wake up at six to catch his flight at eight. He ate breakfast, dressed, brushed his hair and teeth, and grabbed his bags. He placed the note on the counter and left the apartment complex hurriedly. He was lucky enough to find a cab to take him to the airport.

He made it in time to catch his flight. For the next two hours he was in flight, he alternated between listening to music and thinking about Kyle.

What does he love about Kyle? He's smart, kind, handsome, funny, studious, hot-tempered, successful... Stan would give up being Roman Catholic for him, if he wanted. But, sadly, Stan was too late.

He only found out he loved Kyle a month ago, and Cartman has been with him since they were seventeen, six years ago. Stan first noticed Kyle two months, when they Skyped right after the redhead had taken a shower. Stan saw his best friend's bare chest and it clicked.

He thought his best friend was attractive- sexually. Now, Stan had already come to the conclusion that he did indeed liked both guys and girls, but for some reason he never saw Kyle in way other than platonically. Then he remembered how amazing he was back in high school- hell, even elementary school- and Stan realized something big. He was irreversibly in love with Kyle Broflovski. And he figured it out too late.

After the plane landed in Denver, Stan retrieved his bag and went to search for his mother and father. He found them by the bathroom doors, holding up a huge sign that read, "Welcome home, Stanley! We love you!" To his surprise, even 26-year-old Shelley was there, holding the sign, beaming at her baby brother. Shelley must have broken up with her latest boyfriend, then.

Despite common belief, Stan's older sister is attractive. She grew her hair out, lost the braces, dressed girlier, and singlehandedly became her class's heartthrob in over the course of one summer. Even Kevin McCormick had a crush on her for a little bit.

Stan rolled his eyes at the scene before him, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You guys, that's a little much, don't you think?" He mumbled under his breath.

"Welcome home, Stan!" His three family members shouted in unison as soon as they saw him. They dropped the sign and rushed up to hug him.

"Hey, good to see you guys," Stan said awkwardly.

"We have so much to tell you!" His mother shouted in glee.

"I missed you, son," his father said dramatically.

"Come on, bro. We're taking you to IHOP!" Shelley grabbed his arm and the four left the airport.

His parents asked him if he had a girlfriend, to which he said no; his mother asked if he had a boyfriend. His father objected loudly, declaring his son is _not_ gay and will _never_ date another boy. He never dated Kyle. Stan denied ever liking him, but he did like other guys. The first part was a lie, but sometimes a white lie is okay. Shelley just said she didn't care either way, so long as he never took any of her boyfriends.

Everyone after that was quiet. Stan supposed it was because his father was going to be a drama king again.

Stan and his family went home. Stan went up to his old room and placed his bag on his bed. He sat down and pulled out his phone. He dialled Kyle's number. His friend picked up almost immediately.

"What's up, man?" Kyle said concernedly. Since Stan didn't usually call or text since he had limited funds, it must be important.

"I just got here. Wanna talk over lunch or something?" Stan hoped Cartman was busy all day today.

"Sure! Cartman's got to go in to work today, so I'm lonely. Want to go Shakey's?"

Stan loved that Cartman has to work. "Sounds perfect. See you at one?"

"Perfect. See you then!"

"Bye." Stan hung up. It's almost ten now, so he decided to take a nap until 12:15. At that time, Stan got up and freshened up. He grabbed his wallet, but his shoes back on, and left for Shakey's.

Kyle wasn't there when he got there, but he came five minutes later. They went and, coincidentally, both got three cheese. Kyle updated him on everyone in South Park.

"Wendy and Bebe are lesbians together." Kyle said.

"Really?" Stan said incredulously.

"Yup. They just came out a week or so ago. Oh, and Butters is having his third child with Annie Knitts. I think their other two are Simon and Leah."

"Wow. Butters already has kids. We're getting old."

"Mhm. And Token recently married Red."

"No way."

"Yes way. And Clyde now owns his father's shoe shop."

"Predictable. What about Kenny? He still doing okay? Last I heard he worked at Airport Hilton?

"No, I think he works at that gay bathhouse now. No idea why. Apparently his parents got a divorce at some point too."

"Seriously? Kenny doesn't like guys, does he?"

"Are you fucking kidding me? He likes anything that walks! Sides, remember in high school be kissed like Butters and Craig?"

"Oh, right. Continue."

"Craig and Tweek live together, possibly being married, running Tweak Bros Coffee."

"I kind-of figured they had something going on."

"Yep. Oh! And Ike is entering high school next year with a 4.0 GPA."

"Congrats, your little brother is smarter than you."

"No! I only got a 3.9 because the teachers were tons of pussies that all gave me A-minuses!"

"Sure. Hey, whatever happened to Mr. Garrison and Mr. Mackey?"

"They still work at South Park Elementary, but Mr. Garrison is going to retire in a few years."

"Damn. That guy has to be like seventy years old, teaching fourth grade. Did he ever marry?"

"You're telling me. And maybe Mr. Slave, not sure what's up with them."

"Oh, okay."

The conversation lulled after Kyle told Stan everything he knew about their former classmates. Kyle started droning about how well Cartman's job is doing. This almost made Stan feel gothic again. After about ten minutes, he asked the raven-haired man about his work.

"It's fine. My boss says I might get a promotion. That means I need to start kissing his ass and possibly suck his dick." (Luckily Stan had told his friend that he was, in fact, bisexual back in twelfth grade. That was also when Kyle came out as "panromantic homosexual", and Stan realized there was a such a thing.)

"That won't be too be too bad, right?" Kyle took a bite out of his second slice.

"Well, I mean, he's like, forty years older than us."

"That's sick, dude! I'm so sorry!" Kyle gave him a sympathetic look.

"It's no problem." All he had to do is decide if he's lonely enough to suck a sixty-year-old man's dick. "If anything, I could just quit." In reality, Stan wouldn't mind quitting, but then he'd have to go back to South Park. And there is no way Stan could stay sane, watching Kyle's loving looks at Cartman.

They talked idly over memories from grade school until they finished their pizzas, at which point they left Shakey's.

"Nice seeing you, Stan. I just wish you would stay in South Park." Kyle frowned.

"Yeah... Nice seeing you too, Kyle. See you at the reunion?"

"Yep. See you." With that, the two Super Best Friends departed.

Or, the two just friends departed. Stan couldn't help but notice how his old friend had changed. Gossiping, moody... Very Cartman-centered. He almost seemed to be more interested in everyone else's life except his own. Kyle isn't Kyle anymore.

* * *

 **A/N: So I think I have the perfect elephant in the room: it's based on canon, it's angsty, and something that's seemed to have actually affected them. TBH, it was supposed to be something like Kenny kissing Stan during "The Passion of the Jew", but that makes no sense. BUT! If you want to guess, I think that would be fun. Anyway! Thank you for reading! You guys are amazing! -stardustintheair**


	4. Four

**A/N: Howdy-ho! It's been almost a year since I have updated! My life isn't together! Not much to say today. Hmm... Well, Kenny's depressing POV today. For those like me, who listen to songs to go with the story, I think of "Habits (Stay High)" by Tove Lo for Kenny's chapters, and "Counting Stars" by OneRepublic for Stan's (next I guess). Just saying. Kenny's chapters make ME want to cry. He's so sad... ;-;**

 **Refresher: Stan is back in SP from Los Angeles, Kenny is a drunkard that wishes he could be with Cartman, and the both of them are depressed. So FUN!**

 **On a side note, it's been like three years since I've had a therapist. Sorry.**

* * *

 _Four- Kenny_

Kenny woke up the next day at about eleven in the morning with a resounding headache that didn't cease until he stumbled into the kitchen. He took three painkillers as he sipped on a blue plastic cup of water, gripping the counter for support.

Just his luck. Karen walked in. "Got drunk again, Kenny?" She said, rather than asked.

"I- yeah," The blond couldn't deny it, no matter how much he wanted to. He took another sip of his water. His hands shook a little.

"When are you going to get over 'em?" Karen knew. Maybe not about Cartman, but about someone.

"I dunno." Kenny accidentally dropped his cup of water, letting it hit the counter and spill its contents everywhere. The hungover blond slid to the ground and held his head. Karen immediately grabbed a washcloth and wiped up Kenny's unintentional mess. Leaving the cloth on the counter, Karen bent down and hugged her brother.

"Who is it?" She asked serenely.

"Cartman." Kenny blinked his eyes rapidly to avoid a tear from falling. Karen held him tighter. Kenny's sure his little sister knew Cartman and Kyle are an item.

"This still isn't healthy."

"I'm fine."

"You're gonna drink yourself to death."

"I'll come back."

"I know," Karen looked away. "But I don't like seeing you die or watching you destroy yourself. It hurts me."

"You'll be fine."

"That's it." Karen stood up abruptly. "I'm calling a therapist for you."

"I'm telling you, Karen, I'm fine!" Kenny was starting to get angry with his brunette sister.

"You're going to see a therapist. End of story." Karen left him alone in the kitchen to wallow in the fact that Cartman will never love him.

 ** _(Later)_**

What felt like later that day, Kenny found himself in a comfortable seat in front of a young woman he vaguely remembered from school. Riley, she said her name was. She had short brown hair, a teal blouse, and navy blue slacks. She seemed friendly enough. She seemed to remember him just fine.

"So, Kenny," Riley sifted through her paperwork. "Your sister called you in. Do you have any idea why?"

"She probably thinks I'm suicidal," Kenny laid back in the seat. In a sense, Karen was right. On the other hand, Kenny would just come right back. He hadn't died in years, though. Not since Stan left for Los Angeles.

Riley nodded. "Do you understand why she would think that?"

Kenny looked around. "I suppose I drink too much for her liking."

Riley scribbled on her notepad. "How much do you drink?"

He shrugged. "A bottle or so."

Riley shook her head. He must of said the wrong thing. "How often do you drink?"

Kenny couldn't even answer her. He remembered Cartman's lovely smile and he lost it. He sobbed into his hands as Riley handed him a tissue. He blew his nose with a shaky breath. He started thinking about Cartman: his excellent sense of fashion, how well he cleans up, his crude sense of humor, his freedom, his passion. He wished that passion was directed at him.

His therapist continued when he composed himself. "Can you tell me why you drink?"

"I, I've been in love with this guy since high school," he muttered guiltily. "Cartman."

Riley was taken aback. "Eric Cartman?"

"Y-yeah," Kenny looked down. He didn't plan on telling any of his former classmates. In all honesty, he planned on dying over and over again of alcohol poisoning or suicide for the rest of his life. Or, his mother's life.

Riley looked at him quizzically. "He's dating- oh." Her expression changed, and she gave him a pitiful glance.

Kenny felt a surge of anger and resentment. "I don't need your pity," he demanded. He just needed a nice beer.

"No, you need my help getting over him- and your alcoholism."

"I'm not an-"

"If you weren't, you wouldn't be here, honey."

Kenny sighed, finally giving in. "Fine. Where do we start?"

"You're going to the reunion and you're going to make friends," Riley stated simply. "You're going to mingle with people. Companionship helps, I guarantee it. Oh, and you will have a friendly conversation with Cartman. Confrontation helps you heal. But you aren't going to hang on him like a lost puppy, Kenny."

"But what if I-"

"You won't make a fool of yourself. And, if you do, realize you're Kenny McCormick and you're human. Alright, now say it."

Kenny looked at her hesitantly before repeating, "I am Kenny McCormick, and I'm human."

 ** _(Later)_**

Kenny typically waited for Clyde to close down his shop every other day. Today was another day for Kenny to make bad decisions, otherwise known as Clyde Donovan. Kenny would never say it, but it was always awkward to talk to Clyde before making out with him. Not only that, but Kenny wondered how inappropriate it would be to bring beer. Does Clyde even drink? If he didn't, could Kenny still drink? Or would he just become a problem?

When Clyde walked outside and flipped the "OPEN" side to "CLOSED", Kenny's heart sank a little because he knew exactly how much he will regret this in the morning. Clyde turned to him and smiled. "Hey, Ken," Clyde awkwardly smiled at him.

Kenny would never admit it, but Clyde grew up to be handsome. He had thinned out and cut his hair short, and Kenny couldn't help but recognize how attractive he was... But how much he didn't love him.

"Hey, Clyde," Kenny gave him a half-smile.

"Are you ready to go?" Clyde asked him sincerely. Kenny knew exactly what he meant, and he didn't want to say yes.

Yeah. Let's go."

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry this is short, but fear not, I wouldn't post this if I didn't have another update planned for tomorrow or the Second. It just feels good to be back on the grind. Next will include the beginning of the reunion, but I won't do multiple POVs from this point on. I think I'll just go back and forth between Ken and Stan until the reunion. By the way, sorry I can't format! :D -stardustintheair**


	5. Five

**A/N: I did it! I'm technically late… Because of a fanfic called "The Journal". It's Style, but yeah. Sorry! But here's the beginning of the reunion! On a side note, I totally forgot that Stan lives in San Diego! #themoreyouknow** **On another side note, I** ** _totally_** **didn't just wonder for a split second who I had paired Cartman with. #imnotmentallybreakingdown**

 **BY THE WAY I HAVE AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT AT THE END (since this would be too long at the beginning if I said it now)!**

* * *

 _Five - The Reunion_

Stan woke up and felt a pang in his stomach. Dread. Dread of having to see Kyle hanging on Cartman's arm. On another hand, he wasn't sure why, but he felt like something was going to happen. But what going to happen, he wondered? Was Kyle going to catch Cartman kissing another man, and finally break things off with him? Or was Cartman going to decide that he didn't love Kyle anymore and break up with him? Stan knew something big was going to happen, but he just didn't know what it was.

He went down the stairs when he heard his parents arguing in hushed voices. He stopped dead in his tracks. "Stan will probably marry a nice Catholic girl in San Diego," his mom whispered to his dad. "He probably won't think of even having a boyfriend."

"No, Sharon. You don't understand. People always claim to be bisexual to lessen the blow of being gay. Remember how close Stan and Kyle were?"

"Stan and Kyle never!" Sharon whispered argumentatively but cut herself off. "Remember that nice girl? Wendy? Stan was totally in love with her! I think he's going to go off and find another Wendy."

"Or another Kyle."

"He told us he never loved Kyle, Randy."

"He totally did, Sharon. Or, he does now, and he's super depressed about it."

"Look, Randy, Stan will end up marrying a nice Catholic girl. End of story."

"Fine! If Stan marries a man, you owe me head. If Stan marries a woman, I owe you a shopping spree."

"Deal! And when I win-"

"When you _lose-"_

"Why're you guys up so early?" Stan yawned and stretched out his arms, walking down the stairs groggily.

His father started saying, "Nothing, we were just-"

"About to make you some breakfast, sweetie," Stan's mom interrupted. "You have that reunion tonight, don't you Stanley?"

Stan, having heard the entire conversation, left it at that and asked, "Can I get eggs?"

"Of course, sweetie." His mother walked away to prepare breakfast.

His father approached him confidently. "Son." He put his arm around Stan's shoulders. "If you ever stop liking girls, just let me know right away. I'm not getting older."

"Awe, dad!" Stan whined. "I like girls, but I like guys, too. I'm not just going to pick. I'm just going to pick a person."

"The person would ideally be a guy, right?" His dad asked, seemingly not getting the point.

Stan couldn't lie. Ideally, he'd pick Kyle, a guy. "I suppose," Stan said hesitantly.

His father looked at him seriously and simply said, "Good."

 _ **(Later)**_

Clyde had woken up before Kenny. Clyde, used to Kenny showing up raging drunk and being hungover the next morning, had no idea how to handle a completely sober Kenny. Neither did Kenny. He did note, however, that being sober was worse than being hungover. At least being hungover gave an excuse for silence.

This is just plain awkward.

Clyde had gotten the both of them a coffee out of habit, and the two drank in silence until Kenny excused himself. He had to work that day, and afterwards make his way to South Park High School.

Kenny wasn't sure how much longer he could handle his frequent rendezvous with Clyde. Sure, Clyde was a good time. He was gifted, sure… But he wasn't Cartman.

 _ **{[(A/N: I know I don't do this and I'm sorry but I really have to apologize for that last line. I feel some type of way about it. I'm just so sorry.)]}**_

Kenny went back home for a quick shower before going off to work for the day. Luckily for him, Karen didn't see the three beers he had slipped under his uniform.

 _ **(Later)**_

People started pouring in at about five. Wendy and Bebe had just finished decorating and were currently sharing a chair in the gymnasium, completely exhausted. Multicolored streamers, balloons, and big posters that read "Welcome back, Alumni!" could be seen all over the walls. The lights were dimmed, and the snack table could be seen in the middle. Long tables covered with white tablecloth and old chairs from old classrooms were scattered throughout half the gymnasium (the side with the stage), leaving the other half as a dance floor.

Stan was one of the first to arrive. The first person he talked to was Wendy.

"Hey Wendy! I heard about you and Bebe! Congrats!" Stan approached his ex-girlfriend with a hug.

"Thanks! I heard from Kyle that you've been doing well in San Diego?" Wendy smiled at him.

"Yeah! I'm thinking I'm about to get a promotion."

"Good for you!" Wendy smiled. "Be sure to stick around for awards at seven!"

"Will do!" Stan continued on and stopped dead in his tracks. Kyle walked into the gymnasium hanging on Cartman's arm. Stan almost choked before he approached his "super best friend". "Hey Kyle! Long time no see," Stan joked with Kyle as he gave him a bro-hug.

"Right? It's like I didn't just see you yesterday." Kyle rolled his eyes. "How have you been, though?"

In all honesty, Stan was on the verge of a very severe panic attack. He was standing right before the man of his dreams, and he has to pretend that he feels nothing for the ginger. "I've been good. Nice seeing you again, Cartman." Stan shook Cartman's hand. He felt dirty. His hand was clean, but Stan felt like a dick for wanting his boyfriend.

"And you as well, Stan." Cartman nodded politely. They had carried polite small talk until out of the corner of his eye, Stan spied Kenneth McCormick in the flesh. He stood there behind Kyle and Cartman, in their direction, looking as if he had seen a ghost.

"Look, it's Ken!" Stan gestured in Kenny's direction. Kenny had woken up from his trance and made his way towards them.

"Nice seeing you Cartman, Stan, Kyle." Kenny bro-hugged his old best friends.

"How are you, Kinny? How's the job at the gay bathhouse going?" Cartman asked as politely as he could manage.

Kenny visibly choked. "G-good. I'm thinking of quitting. I might pick up work at Bennigan's with my mom."

"And how many people have you fucked in the last year?" Cartman asked him another question with a sickly sweetness that ripped Kenny's heart in half.

Cartman thinks Kenny was a man-whore.

"Eric!" Kyle smacked his lover's arm. "That's rude!"

"Sorry, Kinny." Cartman apologized automatically.

Too late. He had already gathered up the courage to tell the love of his life. "J-just one," Kenny whispered, almost inaudibly.

"S-seriously?" Cartman guffawed in incredulity. "Who'd want to-"

"Eric Cartman!"

"Sorry!"

"I apologize for him," Kyle wisked Cartman away. "We have to catch up later, Kenny. Let's meet up tomorrow. After work."

"I get out at five, so how does five-thirty sound?" Kenny repled.

"Any time is good for me." Stan shrugged. He just had to be back in San Diego by the third.

"So tomorrow at five-thirty then? Let's meet at Cartman's house. See you guys then!" Kyle and Cartman walked away at that.

Stan and Kenny both felt abandoned by the loves of their lives. They ended up turning to each other for small talk. Kenny explained to Stan how he works at the bathhouse; Stan told Kenny how he was a prep chef in San Diego. Eventually, Stan grew the courage to say, "You know what, Ken? I just really hate Cartman and Kyle together."

"Me too," Kenny agreed. "But not for the same reason as you."

This response confused Stan. "What do you mean?"

"Well," Kenny trailed off. "I just wish Cartman wasn't with Kyle."

"I get it. I want Kyle with someone other than Cartman."

At this moment, Kenny and Stan seemed to reach an understanding that they each wanted who the other was jealous of. They didn't need to spell it out, but it was clear to them that they had similar desires. It was also clear that neither was entirely comfortable around the other. Not like it was in elementary school. Both knew exactly what needed to be said in order to alleviate the tense atmosphere Stan and Kenny had created, but that wasn't going to happen. Niceties only. Deep conversations weren't allowed; this one was pushing it.

"We could do something that could potentially help our causes," Kenny said passively.

Stan thought for a moment. Did he really want Kyle so bad as to sabotage his love life? Did he want to commit to a smiley plan in order to break Cartman and Kyle up?

"It would be such a shame if Cartman and Kyle mysteriously broke up."

* * *

 **A/N: TWO MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENTS! :D**

 **1) I've figured out what the "elephant" is, and while it isn't "canon", it's going to be based on canon!**

 **2) I have only 4 more chapters planned and then this is done. The 9th part will be an epilogue thing. But... What if the tenth part is an, oh, I don't know... An alternate ending? If I should do that, what should happen? I'd love to hear your suggestions, as I've taken off guest moderation!**

 **Anyway, thanks for reading! :) -stardustintheair**


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